Most of the time when we think of freedom, we think about it in terms of absence of structure or rules. But some of us need to be set free not from rules but from people who rule us. Acceptance is a fundamental human need, but the drive to get it can become an addiction. When we seek human acceptance we can go astray because we all tend to affirm in others the weaknesses we want them to accept in us. We all like it when others look to us and imitate us and we offer certain emotional rewards when they do so. We also withhold those rewards or actually go into punishment mode when others reject our standards in ways that matter to us. As long as we keep caving in to the expectations of others, we are unlikely to ever find the acceptance of God which is at the root of the thing because we will always be doing what pleases other people and offends God.
Listen to this quote by Paul Miller from Love Walked Among Us (NavPress, 2001) “Imagine how freeing it would be to live like Jesus, not ruled by people's opinions, to only be concerned about God's view of us, thus freeing us to care for others with honest words. Most of us get consumed with how we come across to people. We hunger for their approval. But Jesus describes a new way to care for people, one unconcerned with their opinion of us, one in which we have both compassion and candour, making our relationships real. Jesus said: ‘He who speaks on his own does so to gain honour for himself, but he who works for the honour of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.’” (John 7:18)
Millar raises an important issue about freedom from bondage to other poeple. While it's true that we all have some level of normal need for personal affirmation, for some, this gets raised to the level of an addiction.
There are a couple of aspects of this:
One thing we might do is to latch onto a few people and require them to affirm us all the time. We will not accept any criticism from them, no matter how constructive. We keep them to have someone to appeal to when we have self doubts or when others challenge us. If we have sufficiently manipulated them, we will be able to count on them for the response we ourselves have pre-programmed into them. The problem with this is that if they let us down we will often either resort to highly manipulative behaviour or we withdraw from them entirely. Manipulative behaviour includes things like questioning if they really love us, threatening to leave them, even threatening suicide.
Another option is to attempt to become the "centre of attention" performing most, if not all, of the time. We become hooked on applause. We tell people what they want to hear and then feel good about ourselves when they flatter us, pat us on the back, or recommend us to others. The problem is that we can lose ourselves in the middle of all this. We play changing roles depending on our audience and we forget who we really are.
Either way, we become slaves to the approval of others. And just as substance addicts have been known to sacrifice their own well-being and that of their family for whatever it is that they need to get "high," so the approval addicts may lose their identity and abandon their families to get their "high." Maybe you see some of these tendencies in yourself. Most of us do, if we are honest. I do. And I've discovered that the only way to beat them is to walk in the freedom that God offers us.
On one hand, it's a matter of getting to the point where we are willing to say the approval of God is more important that the approval of the crowds or the approval of my little group of friends. On the other hand, it's a matter of getting to the place where we know who we are - have our sense of identity - through our relationship with God as opposed to our human relationships.
In the biography of Jesus' life written by his friend and disciple John, we find the account of an interesting exchange between Jesus and some of those who were tagging along with him.
They asked an important question. They said to Him, ‘Who are You?’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Just what I have been saying to you from the beginning. I have many things to say and to judge concerning you, but He who sent Me is true; and I speak to the world those things which I heard from Him.’ They did not understand that He spoke to them of the Father.
Then Jesus said to them, ‘When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am He, and that I do nothing of Myself; but as My Father taught Me, I speak these things. And He who sent Me is with Me. The Father has not left Me alone, for I always do those things that please Him.’ As He spoke these words, many believed in Him.
Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’
They answered Him, ‘We are Abraham's descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can you say, “You will be made free?"’
Jesus answered them, ‘Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.’”
There are several worthwhile points to underline here. Jesus makes it clear that his identity comes from God and that his purpose is to please God. That's why Jesus was able to respond to the needs of people around Him without getting caught up the demands and baggage of those He served.
Real freedom comes from knowing the Truth in a relational way. This is possible in the Lord Jesus Christ because he is truth personified. If you are struggling to be free, Jesus offers himself as the answer. If you feel trapped by your own overwhelming desires and needs, Jesus says the truth shall make you free. If you are unable to disentangle yourself from a web of sinful behaviours, Jesus promises that if you will let Him come into your life to set you free, you shall be free indeed!
Today we've thought about freedom. Many of us feel trapped or limited by some circumstances in our lives. That really shouldn't surprise us. What may have surprised you as you've listened to this program is that in spite of our circumstances we can enjoy real freedom in the area of life that counts most - the spiritual. As long as we live in this physical environment, we will be limited by material laws, but spiritually, we are free to soar to the heights, to know God. Those who accept the freedom from sin that He offers will enjoy an abundant spiritual life regardless of their circumstances.
Ron Hughes
© February 2007